Queen Up! Guide to Mother’s Day
Many of us will spend Sunday going out of our way to treat mom like a Queen. Yet the relationship with mom or the mother figures in our lives can be as much a source of stress as comfort. I talk to many friends and clients who have strained relationships with their mothers and some who have completely disconnected from this relationship as a matter of preserving personal well being.
In some cases when there is no possible way to maintain healthy boundaries it becomes necessary to disconnect altogether, yet I believe that healing and understanding can be facilitated through a careful examination of the energy embodied by those we love, and ourselves. By understanding our core motivations, predominant world views and personal energy, and the core motivations and predominant views of others, we can create connection rather than dismissing others as inherently wrong, toxic, or misguided.
Here is a brief look at the four archetypal powers embodied by the Tarot Queens. We are all a mixture of each archetype however you will recognize your dominant personality traits, as well as the dominant traits of the mother figure (and others) in your life through these descriptions. By understanding the core nature of ourselves and others, we can come to greater understanding of what each person needs in the relationship.
Queen of Wands- Mother of Invention
If your childhood memories of mom include countless creative projects, a house filled with books, encouragement of creativity in all its forms, and quirky out of the box ideas, your mom likely embodies the Queen of Wands energy. Mom may have been considered fun, quirky and reminiscent of the character Mary Poppins, floating umbrella notwithstanding. This archetype values communication and expression as well as new ideas and innovation. Maybe your family was the first to explore new technology. Your mom may also have a knack for trivia, languages, a walking encyclopedia before or after the invention of the internet. The Queen of Wands mother is keen on research and information and values education, though she is not a traditionalist. At her best she is inspiring, optimistic, and encourages you to remember the sky is the limit. When not optimally balanced, her energy distorts creativity, turning her best asset into anxiety.
What may feel at times like detachment is actually a greater emphasis on artistic or visionary ideals, sometimes to the exclusion of practical matters in the present. If this sounds like your mom, understand that her best intentions are to create understanding and she is likely to be open to communication even when you don’t see eye to eye. She is not prioritizing classes, projects, ideas and books over her relationships, but using these channels to try to enhance the lives of those she loves. Even in less optimal expression of this energy, her anxiety is a byproduct of her creativity with insufficient outlets, don’t personalize it. Rather encourage her to get into her creative hobbies to release this energy productively.
Queen of Swords-The Warrior Mom
The Queen of Swords is the embodiment of fire energy. Her superpowers include passion, courage, sexuality and adventurousness. If your mom had no problem speaking her mind and never seemed to notice, or care, if others at the PTA meeting were uncomfortable with her frank demeanor, if mom is legendary for her intense personality and temper, then she likely is aligned with the Queen of Swords. This was awesome when you needed someone to advocate for you, or when you needed someone to support your own assertiveness and affirm that it is ok to live life as an adventure. Not so awesome when it came time for you to practice some of your own assertiveness with mom- especially regarding matters on which you disagree. In optimal expression the Queen of Swords mom is protective but also allows others the freedom to learn their own lessons, sometimes the hard way. Her dedication to honesty and justice outweigh her concern for being liked by other people, and she has tremendous energy to see her family through challenging circumstances. When out of balance, this energy makes mom prone to power struggles. Drama may become the norm for her, or she may become burned out.
Worth celebrating are mom’s natural leadership abilities. Allowing her to be in the spotlight as a leader is important. Also key to working with Queen of Swords energy is being clear about your own boundaries and asserting yourself through use of “I statements “ (I feel_ when you_ as opposed to accusations.) This mom’s energy can be intense and encouraging regular physical activity and mental challenges through games, sports, etc. helps to keep her energy balanced. She thrives when given a challenge to undertake, so enlist her powers of leadership when appropriate.
Queen of Cups- The Emotional Nurturer
The Queen of Cups is the quintessential nurturing mother energy. If The Queen of Wands is Mary Poppins, the Queen of Cups is June Cleaver, regardless of whether in the traditional role, this energy places emphasis on compassion and emotional connection. The Queen of Cups is associated with the water element. Moms aligned with this energy aren’t only mother to their biological kids, but likely to the entire neighborhood. A woman who embodies this archetypal energy may also find she easily falls into the role of counselor or mother figure even with other adults, coworkers etc. If mom embodies this energy she is concerned with your emotional well being and has a keen radar alerting her when your emotions are off kilter.
If mom’s own emotions are off kilter however, this energy can display as neediness, even to the extent of needing others to be dependent on her rather than fostering independence and growth. Imbalance in this energy also contributes to depression and the shadow side of empathy, overidentification with others’ feelings and ensuing codependent tendencies.
Understand that with this as dominant energy, mom’s primary concern is family and this probably includes everyone she knows, not just children and biological relations. Allowing her to bring her nurturing energy to the relationship with age appropriate boundaries help this energy flow productively. If it seems she is over dramatic or too emotional, remember that in her perception there is no such thing. Feelings can be all consuming, hers as well as others. Listening and validating without rushing to problem solve can be helpful.
Queen of Pentacles- Mother of Abundance
The Queen of Pentacles embodies earth energy and as such her main concern is stability and providing the framework for people to thrive. Less entrenched in the realm of emotions compared to the Queen of Cups, moms with this dominant energy are more practical and may run the family as one would run a business. She has a good sense of how to use resources including money. If your childhood memories involve a practical business like mom who could solve most problems with a DIY project, but also wasn’t afraid to splurge when it came to quality and value, then your mom likely embodied this energy. In addition to financial stability, her concerns include sustainability and security. She is likely to be in tune with physical comforts and deals with comfort and physical needs easier than addressing emotional needs. Her matter of fact approach can seem detached to some but those who know her understand she is also extremely generous.
When operating out of balance, moms with this dominant energy can be sticklers for tradition to such an extent that they may not realize their routines have become (gasp) impractical. Usually efficient, when out of balance, this energy can cause one to become stuck, stubborn, and resistant to change.
Healing the relationship with a mother or mother figure whose energy is earthy in nature requires an appreciation of mom’s need for security and preservation of tradition. Without personalizing her self imposed limitations, and without giving in to allowing her to project those limitations on to you, understand that mom is trying to hold on out of a desire for stability.
Knowing your dominant energy and that of mom or anyone else close to you, helps to create greater connection and understanding of our priorities, attitudes and values. Celebrate what makes mom powerful and unique this Mother’s Day and every day.
For more information on how to connect to the Tarot Queens for personal empowerment, visit intuitiveangela.com/inner-queen/
