The “Good” White Lady’s Allyship Checklist
Do you feel a surge of guilt every time you’re reminded of the atrocities of white supremacy and the damage still being inflicted on Black and Indigenous people and Communities of color? Do you feel compelled to clarify on every Facebook post you read that “not all white people…” are bad?
Are you tired of being lumped in with the “bad” white people and eager to show that you’re one of the “good” ones?
Use this checklist as a guide to help you become the ally you really want to be.
1. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and get ready to clear your mind…. Of all the bullshit that has made us part of the problem from day one. Yes, that means we have work to do. And the crux of our work, fellow white woman, is not outward. It’s not for us to have our names and faces all over this fight. Yes, we can help, but first we have to put a serious effort into clearing the shit that has been clouding our perspective from our earliest days.
We were indoctrinated into supporting the institutions in this country that protect white supremacy, whether we agree with it or not. Unindoctrinating ourselves is possible, and is our obligation. Before we jump to proclaim our innocence or use our white lady tears to get someone to go easy on us and point the finger somewhere else because being associated with bigotry and hate makes us feel bad… we need to step back and sit with these feelings. We need to understand that our urge to shift the focus onto someone or something else in order to make ourselves feel better is the exact type of white washing that we’ve been taught to do.
We’ve done this for centuries.
And the more we jump in with our “what about-isms” and our “but not all white people…” arguments, the more we are centering conversations on ourselves and making the issues about us and our feelings and not about the fact that Black people are being assassinated in the streets.
Let me put this another way…
Remember a few years back when white celebrities coopted what was originally a movement created by Tarana Burke, a Black woman? If you didn’t know, I’m referring to #MeToo. Remember how it felt when women started to finally open up and tell our stories only to have our “well meaning” guy friends rush to respond with comments about how they would never do things like that (even though you know they were rapey as hell in high school) or that they couldn’t imagine how sexual abuse could be so widespread (when you’ve heard them tell their share of sexist jokes in the past) and how “not all guys are…”
Yes, you remember now don’t you? That shit was annoying. It revealed the discomfort men were feeling and their inability to even sit for five minutes and bear witness. It showed how many of your friends were more concerned about clearing their name than listening to your story.
Well, fellow white ladies, when we become defensive or try to white wash and recenter the conversation on ourselves when Black people are fighting for their very lives, literally, we are doing the exact same thing.
But I promised you a check list and here I go on a tangent. Ok back to the list…
2. Understand that you are going to screw up. Your best intentions are going to fall short, but make them anyway. Your education and willingness to read a million books on being antiracist is great, but still insufficient. So yes, do all those things, but be willing to do more. Be willing to make yourself uncomfortable because other people’s lives depend on it. Be willing to learn. Not just from books, but from your own mistakes.
3. Listen to Black and marginalized communities. Don’t enter their spaces to interject your innocence or your “wisdom.” We have historically failed at every turn. At every point in American history, our cognitive dissonance has enabled us to maintain a fairy tale view that people we were actively involved in oppressing through our institutions or personal choices, were perfectly fine with the way we were treating them. The time for us to follow Black leaders and not try to hijack their movements is LONG overdue.
4. Confront and challenge racism, even in our “safe spaces.”
5. Stop asking Black people and marginalized people for free labor. What is free labor? Free labor is asking for Black people and People of Color or other marginalized people to be both our personal mentors, educators and trainers as well as our therapists. When we ask Black people to absolve us of our mistakes and validate that we are the “good” white people we think we are, we are putting additional demands on people who are, I repeat, fighting for their very lives.
6. Stick with me on this one, fellow white women, because we love token gestures. We love changing our social media profile and wearing our pink hats and posting the right hashtags and unfriending all the racist people we know while boasting about our refusal to give racism a platform…. But… understand, that whether or not we do any of the things on this checklist, Black people will continue to organize. They will continue to fight for their lives with or without our performative gestures. With or without our soul searching and book club forming and apologizing and white fragility. They will do so because history has proven no one else will do it for them. They will do so because it is a struggle for their lives, not a hobby or adrenaline rush that they can choose to be a part of in order to look good on social media.
So, the most important thing we can do, and also the one thing most of us are LEAST likely to do, is to move equity into their hands so the playing field can begin to slightly become more equal. I say it this way because it will take a lot for the disparity in resources to level out. But, by equity, I mean money.
If you truly want to do the most impactful thing you possibly can, it isn’t about stealing the spotlight. It isn’t about proclaiming your innocence. It isn’t about proving that you’re one of the “good” white people. If you want to have a meaningful impact, do what you can to make sure that Black organizers and Black activists have the money and resources they need to mobilize campaigns to uplift institutionally marginalized communities.
If you are looking for a way to begin paying reparations and moving equity directly into the hands of Black organizers and activists, click on the link below and contribute to the Fund For Black Lives.
